What the fuck is wrong with the Sharks? Seriously, they're barely holding onto a playoff position right now. The Dallas Stars are leading the Pacific Division right now. THE FUCKING DALLAS STARS!!!!!!!!!!!!! I know! In all honesty the Sharks haven't exactly been a force this season. The whole year has been very up and down for them. So what's wrong? I have my theories.
Slappy has secretly murdered the actual Sharks and replaced them with look-a-likes
This theory is completely possible. I mean he already killed Dany Heatley and replaced him with the person I like to call "Fake Dany Heatley".
|Actual Dany Heatley shown above.|
|Look at that goofy kid who was good at hockey.|
|Clearly this is a poorly constructed clone. I mean look they can't even get the eyes right. Damn you Slappy.|
|Look at that evil son of a bitch.|
|He lures you in with his promise of sexual favors, then he slits your throat.|
|Slappy drinks to forget what a crazed mass murderer he is. It doesn't help, it only increases his thirst for blood.|
This is a common problem among pro athletes. I mean lots of money and fame equals chicks who will blow you, so it's understandable these guys would be a little distracted.
|Douglas Murray will break these bitches.|
|Cool story Jason.|
|So drunk he can't even be bothered to open his eyes. PS nice vest.|
|Nice shirt. Jason Demers is a snappy dresser.|
|Nice team bonding exercise.|
|Stop taking photos of yourself on the beach and start playing hockey!|
|Word to the wise Daniel there's a reason Paul Bissonnette is a healthy scratch most nights.|
|It's totally party time brah!|
Break-ups are hard.
|Very Sad. Their love was so true and pure.|
It's OK San Jose you'll probably still make the playoffs and we all know you have such success.....
|I'm sure this is many bay area ladies claim to fame.|
|At least give the laser beams a try. I mean nothing else had worked yet.|
|Yes Jason Demers does have a drinking problem.|
|I'd be into seeing Douglas Murray wearing that. Maybe that's just me though.|
Ummm....OK you know what maybe just start bombing now for a high draft pick.