Wednesday, March 7, 2012

What's Wrong With the San Jose Sharks?

What the fuck is wrong with the Sharks? Seriously, they're barely holding onto a playoff position right now. The Dallas Stars are leading the Pacific Division right now. THE FUCKING DALLAS STARS!!!!!!!!!!!!! I know! In all honesty the Sharks haven't exactly been a force this season. The whole year has been very up and down for them. So what's wrong? I have my theories.

Slappy has secretly murdered the actual Sharks and replaced them with look-a-likes
This theory is completely possible. I mean he already killed Dany Heatley and replaced him with the person I like to call "Fake Dany Heatley". 
Actual Dany Heatley shown above.

Look at that goofy kid who was good at hockey.
Clearly this is a poorly constructed clone. I mean look they can't even get the eyes right. Damn you Slappy.

Look at that evil son of a bitch.

He lures you in with his promise of sexual favors, then he slits your throat.

Slappy drinks to forget what a crazed mass murderer he is. It doesn't help, it only increases his thirst for blood.
The Sharks are having a little too much fun off the ice
This is a common problem among pro athletes. I mean lots of money and fame equals chicks who will blow you, so it's understandable these guys would be a little distracted.
Douglas Murray will break these bitches.
Cool story Jason.

So drunk he can't even be bothered to open his eyes. PS nice vest.

Nice shirt. Jason Demers is a snappy dresser.

Nice team bonding exercise.

Stop taking photos of yourself on the beach and start playing hockey!


Word to the wise Daniel there's a reason Paul Bissonnette is a healthy scratch most nights.

It's totally party time brah!
Break-ups are hard. 
Very Sad. Their love was so true and pure.

It's OK San Jose you'll probably still make the playoffs and we all know you have such success.....
O yea.


Look on the plus side Sharks are still kinda scary right? 
I'm sure this is many bay area ladies claim to fame.

Candy gram?

At least give the laser beams a try. I mean nothing else had worked yet.

Yes Jason Demers does have a drinking problem.

I'd be into seeing Douglas Murray wearing that. Maybe that's just me though.

Ummm....OK you know what maybe just start bombing now for a high draft pick.


  1. HA! Thank you. That made me laugh and forget for a moment how much I love the Sharks. Keep it up. I hope they find the answers.