Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Eastern Conference Match-up: New York Rangers v. Ottawa Senators



New York Rangers

The Rundown: These guys are there for each other, they love each other. Sure they may be a little socially awkward sometimes, but they're best friends, and that's the greatest thing in the world. Nothing can stop their bromance, it is true and pure.  

Strengths:  Their amazing bond. They share secrets, and aren't judgmental. Plus they have that super sweet man cave to hang out in.

Weaknesses: They might get a little jealous of their other friends and girlfriends. They just want to be with each other all the time, it can cloud their judgement. 

Actual Analysis: The New York Rangers are a hard working group of guys. They're lead by captain Ryan Callahan, he forms their identity. They have a talented group of forwards and defenseman, and are anchored by Vezina caliber goaltending from Henrik Lundqvist. They have really surged this season, going from the 8th seed last season to the 1st seed and almost winning the President's Trophy. They're bench boss John Tortorella is a fiery guy, and knows how to motivate his team. The Rangers will prove a formidable opponent in the playoffs.


"Totally, and it smells like fart."

"I love you, Bro Montana."

"I love you, Broseph Goebbels."
"I love you, muchacha."
"I love you, Tycho Brohe
 ."


"This is the man cave, there's no women allowed in here."


"She was very nice looking."
"Yeah... I fucked her.
"


 Ottawa Senators


The Rundown: The Ottawa Senators are ready to head to the cool kids party. They've spent the last few years being losers and trying to fit in, but it's finally their chance. They've been waiting, and for a few of them this might be their last chance to get some before they leave. Their journey hasn't been smooth, but they made it to the party finally. 

Strengths: They got a sweet fake ID, so they can bring the booze for everyone. 

Weaknesses: They're nervous, they don't want to get caught by the cops. I'm pretty sure some of those guys are really underage. 

Actual Analysis: No one excepted the Senators to be here this season. They've had a terrific season led by future Norris Trophy nominee Erik Karlsson and captain Daniel Alfredsson. This youthful group has been a surprise all season, and who knows what they can do in the playoffs. Jason Spezza has had a fantastic season as well, and goaltender Craig Anderson has really revived his career. The Senators are the ultimate spoiler, tons of talent and lots of unpredictability. The only question is how they handle the added pressure. This team has been streaky all year, if they can get hot, watch out. 


"You know when you hear girls say 'Ah man, I was so shit-faced last night, I shouldn't have fucked that guy?' We could be that mistake!"



"I heard she got breast reduction surgery."
"What? That's like slapping God across the face for giving you a beautiful gift."
"She had back problems, man
."



He is the sweetest guy. Have you ever looked into his eyes? It was like the first time I heard the Beatles.


"I just wanna go to the rooftops and scream, "I love my best friend, Alfie."
"Let's... go on my roof."


"How old are you Erik?"
"Old enough."
"Old enough for what?"
"To party."
  
 The Match-Up: This series could get very interesting. The Senators are a streaky team, but they use their speed very well. The Rangers like to slow the game down more, and play a tight defensive game. If Ottawa can get behind their defense they can do some damage. Of course they'll still have to beat Henrik Lundqvist, which is pretty damn difficult. The Rangers didn't just accidentally fall into first place. They play in arguably the most difficult division in the league, and they've proven then can play with anybody. If the Rangers play their usually physical hockey and can block the Senators shots from the point they should be able to shut down the series. 

Prediction: The Rangers are simply too overpowering for the Senators. I think the Sens will give the Rangers a tough go, but the Rangers are determined this season, and don't expect Torts to take any lazy play from his team. Rangers in five. 







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