Saturday, April 7, 2012

Eastern Conference Match-up: Pittsburgh Penguins vs. Philadelphia Flyers

Pittsburgh Penguins

The Rundown: These guys are primed and ready for their close-up. Have you seen Kris Letang? He's more groomed than most women. They're ready for their big night out, they can feel it, big things are coming there way. The only obstacle? Those guys from Philly. Can they live out their dream of opening a stupid nightclub winning the Stanley Cup? They've got one foot in the door, now it's time to seize the moment. 

Strengths: They have tons of determination, and they won't take no for an answer. Seriously, they may not know what NO means. Plus, they met Emilio Estevez once, so there's that.

Weaknesses: They're playing with daddy's money, so if dad cuts them off, well they're screwed. Their other weaknesses are clubs, hotties, fluffy whip, and of course "What is love?" by Haddaway. Maybe you should just start playing that in the Wells Fargo Center, just a thought. 

Actual Analysis: The Pittsburgh Penguins are many analysts choice to come out of the Eastern Conference. Who can blame them? A team with Sidney Crosby, Evgeni Malkin, Kris Letang, James Neal, Marc-Andre Fleury, and more is a tough team to bet against. The Penguins play under head coach Dan Bylsma who has proven he knows how to get the best out of his team. Their super talented group of forwards can be overwhelming and especially deadly on the power play. They have great depth on their bottom lines, and a world-class goalie between the pipes. The Penguins are a formidable opponent, and will be very challenging to beat in a seven game series. 

"Wait a minute, Jordan did you just grab my ass?" 

"Hey what are doing?" "Nothing, just checking your label. Just what I thought, made in heaven."

Kris calm, down! "I can't help it man, it's hottie overload!"

"And he tipped his hat like this..."

"And I was like EMILLLOOO!"

Philadelphia Flyers

The Rundown: The Flyers are always looking to crash a good party. You never know where these guys will show up, and they always make a splash. These guys are pros, they will sleep with your bridesmaids, it will happen. They're also masters of disguise, they can be anyone from anywhere. They're a fun group, but can also take things just a little too far. Remember guys there are rules!

Strengths: They have an uncanny ability to be assholes, yet still really likable. They'll fool you into bed with them with all that charm. Their moral standards aren't always shining, but that helps them get out of sticky situations. 

Weaknesses: They're prone to fill up on free food from the buffets. They also can have a little too much showmanship for their own good, and their judgement on women isn't always the best. They also spend a lot of time falling on their asses. 

Actual Analysis: The Flyers are a high scoring and speedy team, as their coach would say "A giddy up and fucking go team". They are physical, and not afraid of a good fight, or two, or three. They have all the tools to be successful, but still have question marks, mainly on defense and goal tending. Of late Bryzgalov has been lights out, and the defense seems to have semi-filled the gap left by the injured Chris Pronger. Will that continue into the playoffs? Well it could very well be the deciding factor in this match-up.

"I'm sorry. I'm not sorry. Okay? I'm not gonna apologize, I'm a cocksman!"

"Claude, we had a moment at the dinner table didn't we." "NO we did not have a moment at the dinner table Scott!"
"What are you doing? It's a game of hockey! Every time I look over you're on your ass again."

"Your buddy he's down again." "What is his deal?'

"Get up you're making us look like pussies!" "If I had any air in my lungs I'd scream at you!"

The Match-up: This series will most likely be the most intense of all the quarterfinal match-ups. The battle of the Keystone State is always a crazy regular season game, but when it means everything in a best of seven series, well hold onto your hats folks. They might need extra medical staff for this bad boy. Both teams are great offensively, so don't expect these games to be 1-0 goalie battles. The hatred between the teams and their collective fan bases will make this series a battle, and whoever advances won't do so without some series damage. The winner of this series will also have a great shot of making it all the way to the finals, since both can do so much damage. Expect an exciting, fast-paced, and intense battle all the way through. For me personally I want this series to go to seven games, but I'm sure fans of either team are hoping for a quick finish. 

Prediction: I think the Penguins will pull this one out. They're simply too good. I think, however, this series goes the long haul to game 7. The Flyers have not lost at Consol Energy Center ever, but they'll drop a few during this series. 

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