Western Conference Match-up: Vancouver Canucks v. Los Angeles Kings

Vancouver Canucks

The Rundown: The Vancouver Canucks are a sexy bunch of bitches! Seriously, these guys are gorgeous. They're also super hated around the league. Those people are just jealous though, they just wish they could be them. The Canucks run the hallways of hockey high school, and they don't waste an opportunity to let people know they're top dog. Oh, and FYI other teams, they hate you. Seriously, they have a whole book dedicated to making fun of you. They will make you cry.

Strengths: These guys are seriously evil. Don't trust these bitches, they will ruin your lives.

Weaknesses: They're super into themselves. They're also secretly very self-conscious. These guys are prone to be distracted trying to get revenge on those who have wronged them.

Actual Analysis: The Vancouver Canucks are a super talented group. From the forwards down to their goalies, there's really no holes in their line-up. They play a speedy game, and rely heavily on puck-possession. Their defenseman can jump into the plays, and are especially deadly on the power play. They have two solid goaltenders, despite what anyone says. They run four lines, each with a different style of play. The Sedins work their wizardly magic on the top line, while the Kesler-Booth-Higgins aka "AMEX" line play a "crash the net" style. The third and fourth lines are anchored by shutdown centers Pahlsson and Malhotra. These two will take the majority of the defensive zone face-offs, and will also help out with secondary scoring. Overall the Canucks are a very strong team, with a very smart strategic coach.

"Your face smells like peppermint!"

"What are you anyway?" "Umm..I'm an elf! Duh!"

"Will you please tell David he looks sexy with his hair pushed back."

"One time I saw Ryan Kesler wearing a black shirt and jeans, so I started wearing a black shirt and jeans."

"David knows every one's business. He knows everything about everyone. That's why his hair is so big, it's full of secrets."

Los Angeles Kings
The Rundown: The Kings have had a roller coaster ride this year. From selling the sheep van for a scooter, accidentally killing that guy with rat poison, and getting lost in Wyoming, they've been through a lot. They just wanna return that briefcase and find true love with that Mary Samsonite or something like that. These guys are best friends, and they need each other to finish this journey. I mean where would they be without one another? 

Strengths: They have amazing luck. Seriously how did these guys make it this far? 

Weaknesses: They're not the smartest group. Plus, you never know when their luck will run out. 

Actual Analysis: The Kings are exhausting to watch. One night they're amazing, scoring in bunches, and getting great goaltending. Then the next they can't score on a hooker and Quick is actually a human. What Kings team will show up in the playoffs? If the last two games are any indication, the Kings could be in for a long summer. If the Kings get their shit together however, they are a very difficult team to beat. If Jeff Carter can come back healthy, he could be the x-factor in the series. His presence instantly makes the power play more deadly, and makes match-ups more difficult. If Quick continues to play like a Vezina nominee, he could steal a few games as well. 

"Uh, what is the Soup Du Jour?"
"It's the Soup of the Day."
"Mmmm. That sounds good. I'll have that."

"Drew, you're alive... and a horrible shot!"

"I don't know, Quicker. These places always seem to bring back a lot of bad memories."
"What's the matter, Drew? Some little filly break your heart?"
"No, it was a girl."

"Ooh, look at the buns on that one..."
"Yeah, he must work out."

"All we need to do is show a little class, a little sophistication, and we're in like a dirty shirt."
"No problem, Quicker. We can be classy and sophistic... Oh check out the funbags on that hosehound."

 The Match-up: This series is going to be an interesting one for both teams. The last time these two met in the playoffs they were completely different teams. The Kings had just made the playoffs for the first time in eight seasons, and the Canucks were a far less balanced team than they are now. The Canucks have since made it to a game seven in the Stanley Cup finals and the Kings are on their third year in a row making the post-season. Both teams are on a mission. The Kings want to be taken seriously as a contender, and the Canucks are hungrier than ever for the Cup. The Canucks like to open up the play, while the Kings like to slow the pace and play a tight game. This series could come down to who can establish the pace. It's no secret Jonathan Quick is an elite goaltender, but both Luongo and Schneider have proved they can play with the best as well. Will the Kings scoring stay hot? Will the Canucks be able to flip the switch on the intensity of the games? The Kings have been playing playoff hockey for a month now, it could help them in the first few games of the series, but the Canucks are proven contenders. 

Prediction: It's no secret I love my Kings. I want them to win, but the Canucks are terrifying. This series is really going to come down to special teams and goaltending. Quick has yet to prove himself in the playoffs, if he shows up big he can steal a game and maybe the series. The Canucks are deadly on the power play when they're firing on all cylinders. If the Kings can't stay out of the box, and their PK struggles, say good night. I think the Canucks will win the series, maybe this goes to six games because of Quick, but I just don't see the Canucks dropping in the first round.