Sunday, October 28, 2012

Lockout Day: 50ish?? In Which I Become A Temporary Baseball Blog

I just need someone to love. LET ME LOVE YOU!!!!!

It has finally happened. I have lost MY GOD DAMN MIND!!!!! DO YOU SEE WHAT YOU'VE DONE NHL AND NHLPA????

Yes I have gone to the dark side. The baseball side! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! NO ONE CAN STOP ME!!!!!

This is obviously super temporary, because it's the World Series, and the Giants lead 3-0, and whatever. This actually happened semi by accident. I was trying to prove a point about Tim Lincecum (i.e. his former side swept hair aka Bieber hair, but before Bieber, idk whatever!!!), and then I went down the slippery fan girl slope. I hit it hard, and my god I missed those crazy bitches. Their insanity sustains me. Well now you all have to face my need to write terrible things about professional athletes, and the fan girls who stalk them. This pleases me greatly, DEAL WITH IT.

See? Side swept hair! My point...proven! (Ignore the Sharks jersey...k)

Let me start off by saying I don't find any of the Giants players attractive. I have no idea what these chicks see. They're possibly blind. I love Big Time Timmy Jim as much as the next person, but BTTJ is not exactly "beautiful" as some claim.

"Shut the fuck up Brigitte. You love me, stop trying to deny it."
"SCREW YOU TIMMY! I SWEAR I DON'T! AHHH WHY???"

At least I'm not this chick (who by the way uses the name "my body aches for you" on Tumblr...I'm scared)....

"I think it's safe to say that between Tim Lincecum and Brian Wilson...
The Giants have the hottest men in baseball on their team. Hot damn."

WTF???? DO YOU HAVE EYES??? OK maybe she doesn't, it's not nice to make fun of those who are differently-abled. If she does have the gift of sight however, I fear for her mental stability. I mean "my body aches for you"? This chick...my goodness...this chick. 

"Ooohhh you just deny all you want girl!"
"SHUT UP ANGEL PAGAN!!! STOP IT!"

Well at least I'm not this girl...

"why does tim batting turn me on so…
maybe because i only ever see him pitching so it’s so foreign it’s hot.
i don’t know what’s wrong with me.
what are these feels."

What? This doesn't even make sense! He bats ALL THE TIME! It's called the FUCKING NATIONAL LEAGUE!

"Bitch please! You know it's hot when I bat"
"OK...P.S. I have that same hat. I'm leaving now."

OK FINE AT LEAST I'M NOT THIS CHICKS DAD! (Only because I'm not a guy/dad. Other than that we're exactly the same.) 

"i think my dad’s secretly in love with Tim Lincecum. seriously. it’s scary. he calls him Timmy and whenever he’s on the mound he makes hearts and shit. i’m waiting for the day he kisses the TV."

I think I'm your dad. WHAT? I don't know anymore. PS...your dad is realllly weird.

"OK fine..I love you."
"What are doing in the locker room? How did you get in here..."

Oh yeah, this picture exists...

"Sup. This is me doing my thing. Over here. With my hair and shit."

Whhhaaa??? Remember when Timmy went through that mustache kind of thing faze? That's right you don't...because this is a hockey blog...sorry. Well he did, and apparently they took this really sweet picture during it.  I think I may just be jealous of his hair....or...something else....


At least I'm not this chick...

"I think I'm in love with Hunter Pence."

OK...say what now???

"Hey I'm totally cool! I have a scooter and I'm totally not a serial killer."
Hmmm...he does look suspiciously normal here.....maybe he's not a.....

OK NOPE! Still totally a serial killer.
SOON.
Come closer...let me feel your face. Mmmm...it feels delicious.

Who thinks this guy is sexy? That girl is FUCKED UP IN THE HEAD! 

Well this has been fun. It feels good to write about a sport that's actually playing. Even if I didn't actually write anything about the actual game. I'll leave you with this picture. It makes me happy. 

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ME!


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