Friday, March 15, 2013

If The Season Ended Today...

The title says it all. Since we're a little over half way through the season (holy shit!), I figured it was a good time for this. Here's a look at some of the shit that would be true if the season ended today. 



League Leaders
  There's nothing surprising about the two leaders. 
Both are superstars, I wouldn't be surprised to see this another 20 or so games from now. 
The only slightly odd player on here is Kunitz, but he plays with Crosby, so it's not that weird. 

The Koon making another appearance with the league leaders! 
Based on that plus/minus (which is mostly worthless but whatever) Bergeron should make another run for the Selke. 
Ryan Getzlaf...Gross. 

      When you consider that half the team in front of Anderson is a minor league team, those numbers look even more impressive. 
Niemi decided to play, too bad it's the year that the rest of the team didn't. 
LOL HILLER SORRY
Corey Crawford...who knew?

Pekka Rinne starts EVERY GAME so you know eventually you'll get a billion shutouts. 
Tuukka Rask has the benefit of playing for a team that doesn't shit the bed that often, plus his name is fun to say. 
Finland produces awesome goalies like Sweden produces beautiful robots. 


ROOKIES!!!!!

 I've talked about all these guys in my rookie post earlier, so no surprises here. 
I said I would pick Tarasenko for the Calder barring any serious injury, and it looks like it happened (because I'm a fucking jinx I'M SO SORRY)
So.....I'm just gonna say the race is really between Conacher and Huberdeau at this point. 

YEA JAKE MOTHER FUCKING MUZZIN! 
(Total unbiased comment above)   
 
I see....

....a common theme here.
 
What About The Playoffs?

Oh boy, here we go. 
This is where we look at the first round match-ups, who's in and what sad losers are out. 
Let's start in the East, which quite frankly has been a shit fest so far this year. 

    Frenchies are number one! Poutine for everyone! 
Carolina is the least awful team in their division
Winnipeg in the 8th spot....LULZZZZ
Rangers, Flyers, and Caps out. NBC just sharted their pants. 
All four Canadian teams in, which means...
LEAFS IN THE MOTHER FUCKING PLAYOFFS!!!!


 #1 Montreal Canadiens v. #8 Winnipeg Jets
AKA The "Big Canada Circle Jerk" Series
CBC and TSN just jizzed.
 

#2 Pittsburgh Penguins v. #7 Toronto Maple Leafs
 AKA The "Pierre McGuire v. Don Cherry" Series.
(See also: The "Nobody wins and you may want to commit mass murder after this" Series)



#3 Carolina Hurricanes v. #6 New Jersey Devils
AKA The "Games no one except the fans of either team will watch" Series



#4 Boston Bruins v. #5 Ottawa Senators
AKA The "Hey guys remember when Chara played for the Senators?!?!" Series.      


Blackhawks just rubbed their sack over everyone basically. 
Ducks are on cocaine, seriously check them there's no other reason!!!
LOL WILD
Detroit out, NBC has now officially jumped off a building while taking a whole bottle of pills. 
No Hockey Tonkin' this year. 
Gabe's beauty could not will them to the playoffs...sad. 


#1 Chicago Blackhawks v. #8 Phoenix Coyotes
AKA The "Not this shit again" Series
(See Also: The "Raffi Torres is a douche canoe" Series)


#2 Anaheim Ducks v. #7 San Jose Sharks
AKA The "California is dumb because I don't live there (whatever you bitches are just jealous)" Series
(See Also: The "Please God let a meteor take all these bitches out" Series)
*Above statement may be my opinion, sorry about it*


#3 Vancouver Canucks v. #6 Minnesota Wild
AKA The "Holy Shit another team from the Northwest Division made the playoffs" Series
#4 St. Louis Blues v. #5 Los Angeles Kings
AKA The "YOU BETTER PRAY TO YOUR BASED GOD NOW BLUES" Series


I'll attempt to not be a lazy asshole and actually do this every Friday until the end of the year just to see how things change. Frankly those playoff series match-ups look cool, but NBC is literally researching ways to kill themselves right now. Plus, there's a few teams that I don't think make it/miss it from that above list. We shall see though!

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